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You kids get off my lawn. 

Garfield Weighs In (Garfield (Numbered Paperback)) - Jim Davis I blame this review on Elizabeth, who gently nudged me to try to review the kids' books that I am forced to read on a regular basis.

I get that this is not a kids' book, entirely, but kids are the ones who find Garfield attractive in this day and age. The boy found this somewhere in the library, which makes me hate the library for putting this kind of shit at kid eye level, but also makes me love the library, because I do not have to pay for the pain of reading this.

This book starts with the Family Circus inflected shtick where Garfield gets up and then bounces around a map with a little trail of dots of his progress. Arg. I can't even work up an ARG!!1!! because this is such a whiskery old chestnut. Bear in mind, this is only the fourth Garfield collection, at least according to Goodreads. I told the boy I hated Garfield, and he did the condescending kid thing, and told me it was okay for me to hate it, but I was wrong. I wonder where he gets that from. Le Sigh.

Garfield is fat; he eats some lasagna; Jon is pathetic. That is pretty much all you need to know. The boy repeats the punchlines twice, and then turns to me and says, "That is so funny." I muster up the strength to lie to him. Ha ha! I am running out of things to say about the pain of this book.

Oh, hey, did any of you see the thing where Roger Ebert wrote the movie review for "Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties" in the persona of Garfield? That was fucking insane. Also, has anyone seen The Nietzsche Family Circus, which pairs a Family Circus cartoon with a random Nietzsche quote? I love that forever.