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Ceridwen

Ceridwen

You kids get off my lawn. 

An Autumn War - Daniel Abraham Cross-posted on Readerling

I've realized something about Abraham's writing. He shows you the anvil he's going to drop on your head. There's a sussurus of silk as he slowly lifts the cover away, a hint of jasmine in the air as you sip tea, growing cold the way everything warm does. You consider the anvil, the way it is dark and sits, anvil-like, unassuming as the inevitable. You watch it lift, slowly, and the servant that moves the pulleys pulls hand over hand, one fist in front of another. It's beautiful, the way the lines stretch taunt, and then go slack, and then stretch taunt again. It's like life in its consideration, a bowl going cold because you are too busy living to drink, and then you drink and it's cold and regretful.

And then the fucking anvil hits you on the head, and it's not about how unassuming the anvil is, or its color or shape, but about how the expectation is not the same as the experience, and the experience is not the same as the aftermath. There are birds and little arcane symbols tweeting around your head, and you can't understand how that damn black and metal thing hit you so hard because you knew it was coming. You saw it unwrapped, like a stiptease of your coming mortification.

It took me forever to get through this book. I cheated on it with several other books, because I could feel that coming shock. This series is stagy like nobody's business, and that is intentional, deliberate, one foot in front of the other, a chess move that moves the other pieces like a diagram. I don't like military books, as a rule, because I'm a squirming girl who can't handle glory. There's no glory here, just ash and pain and a thousand bad and completely understandable choices that end in the worse and the incomprehensible. Good Lord, this anvil. It is hard and dark and made of metal. I will grope my way through the next book, but not right now. I'm going to lie down and consider the patterns on the insides of my eyelids for a while.